Scorchers on tour – Lost in Space. Match Report September 2015.

/ / Duathlons, smouldering ember

Another day, another Scorcher. Another splendid day which defied those people who pretend to know what will happen meteorologically speaking. Apart from the hail shower you were all wrong! You should just ring the Angels and ask if there is a Scorcher on, then the forecast will be fine. I got a touch of sunburn today.

In the news, my rash decision to enter the Scorching Half in January giving me incredible anxiety. However, there may be a get out clause. Apparently there is a group of people who believe the blood moon later on this month in some parts of the planet, is a portent of doom. According to these scaremongers, the end of the world is upon us once again. Indeed, once again. Do not know about you but so far, I have been totally underwhelmed by previous ends of the world. Suppose technically, if the universe is infinite, there will also be an infinite numbers of worlds, the inevitable demise of one this month is therefore entirely possible. Eventually, these worrywart Cassandras will get it right, and the big blue upon which we all reside will get its comeuppance. However, I do not think so in my lifetime. Subsequently, the tension of the January Scorcher remains and each day is gets ever closer, ever increasing botheration.

In the absence of a force majeure, enter soon not to be disappointed.

Hope you all paid attention to the course notes which indicated the long course would feature a 700m climb. It’s true, may I quote “This is not flat run, from leaving Freyberg and heading up Tank Hill you will be climbing for approximately 700m to the top of Chatsworth Road. “ Really? Check out the course overview for the long course. Mount Kaukau is 455m, Rimutaka Road, 555m. Not only that, this is for just one lap, so 1400 is pretty demanding. So this run is the equivalent of climbing to a big mountain at 4500 feet as they say in old money. The thought of climbing 140000mm in the space of 10km is rather daunting. So much so, I decided there must be an extra ‘0’ in the number. Moreover, I have switched to millimetres, so I have been liberal with the 0 button in this report! 140000mm is a tough ask for a millipede let alone us.   I will have checked back with Strava to see if it this is true. And the answer is …….. (please pause for 30 seconds while listening to some dramatic music which gives a sense of expectation}…….. tune in next month to Smouldering Ember match reports for the answer.  Did we really climb a mountain?

Well I did not, choosing the medium flat option. I packed in climbing when I was 19.
Today’s race or reluctant exercise if like me you could have quite easily stayed in bed.  Start off, a jog around the streets while I wondered if my friends had taken enough gear for a mountain run. Bike time and the two social cyclists on what must have been a leisurely tour in Whitemans Valley must have been thinking they were in a race. Over the top, I was rather worried by the rapid gun fire in at the gun club. I was convinced the shooters were not aiming into the rifle butts but my derriere instead. Switched into over pedal for a while to try and out cycle from range. The cow droppings as promised by Angels did not eventuate. Either that or I went the wrong way. Again.

Back to base camp and another jog around the lowlands. Ember was deeply concerned at the thought of those on the long course still up there at 70000000000 miles in space struggling for oxygen. In space, no one hears Scorchers complain, they just get on with it. Well hard!
Prize giving. Lots of goodies for everyone, so we all won, except for those who did not stay unlucky. This is the first time everyone who stayed got a new car. And you thought prize giving was an inconvenience.

Thanks everyone for running and cycling with me. Thanks to Angels and the army of volunteers for making me run and cycle when I do not want to. Thanks to the sponsors for your kind donations. I am open to doing critical, but favourable reviews should you wish to employ me as such.

Eventually, Di Chesmar came down from the Andromeda galaxy, gasping for air. Angels proudly announced that Di is a lifetime Scorcher. To qualify, you have to complete 50 Scorching Events. Take my advice, stop when you have done 49 Scorchers or else you will have to do it forever, sending you beyond Upper Hutt. Having completed three myself, long way to go. Respect Di.


Smouldering Ember. and on Facebook.

PS, as per usual, mainly lies, falsification and perhaps even plagiarism from one of my earlier reports. There is at least one truth in this report. Daryl …….