iWindy. Smouldering Match Report. Duathlon October 2015.

/ / Duathlons, smouldering ember

The final Duathlon of the Scorching Events 2015 season was blessed with a light breeze. If you are out of town, you may think it was a gale force Beaufort scale ranking of 8 or 9 in old money. In Wellington, perhaps a consideration for some hair gel would suffice. The wind is your friend. Welcome to our world.

Before I start on the latest tommy-rot which masquerades as a true, accurate, hard hitting journalistic reflection of today’s events, I would like to pause to acknowledge my peers. There was a really good representation of Scorchers at the Chicago Triathlon Champs. Lots of the people who participate in Scorching Events on a regular basis are that good, they get to play with the big kids in the school yard. It is truly inspiring to know we race with some of best in the world. So when you see someone with their name and the abbreviation NZL on their tri suit, doff your hat in humble, respectful admiration. Also, you will be able to say I raced with such and such. Take your pick.

In my previous missive, I was reflecting upon the harbingers of doom indicating the end of the world was upon us. They have been at it again. This time, the worry mongers have been perplexed by the fact that the moon comes close to earth now and again and that the earth might interfere with the light from the sun occasionally does not mean the world is going to end. May I suggest an idiots guide to Newtonian spatial planetary motion and throw in a popup picture book which explains the physics of light, for you to peruse and stop saying the end of the world is nigh. I do appreciated your attempts to get me out of the Scorcher Half in January by wishing the annihilation of planet earth, but really is that big of a deal? I have resigned myself to the fact that I have done something really stupid and entered the race. Time to move on and maybe, just maybe I will start to do some training.

Arrgh! The ‘T’ word. Don’t you just hate it? Especially with the annoying, “I am better than you” sanctimonious smugness which people like to flaunt when they arrive at work at 8am in the morning having swam to Picton and back beforehand, while you chomp into your second curried muffin of the early morning pre morning tea snack. “Did you see the ferry?” I usually remark. “Would you like some muffin?” I kindly offer, then informing that they can be purchased in a dairy down the road. Suppose my attitude to training will no doubt preclude me from a black tri suit with my real name *** ******** emblazoned upon it under NZL.

To the race today. It was hard. Not as hard as it was for all you POMS who decided to give it a miss to watch you team come second in a game of rugby. Bet you wish you were at Scorching Bay! But really, it was hard. Each lap of the bike, as I am sure we can all acknowledge, the wind seemed to be stronger. Great when you are with the wind, but going around some headlands, the bike speed dropped from the forties kph to the teens kph. Like everyone else, I was wondering just how much more the waves were going to come across the road in some sections. No doubt, some were unlucky enough to be at the wrong place at the wrong time for a bit of a drenching. If anyone got a personal best today, well done. Frankly, I was pleased to get off the bike and into the final run, which was almost a relief. There is a story for work on Monday, “I was pleased to get off the bike and go for run.” To which your muffin scoffing colleague will probably remark, “So Cook Strait must have been drained. No swim then?”

I was pleased to cross the finish line today and enjoy that crampy leg feeling. Noticed a few by the roadside fixing punctures during the race and apparently someone had a tumble. I offered help safe in the knowledge that you would say no or if you said “Yes please, I would really appreciate some assistance”, sorry did not hear you too windy! Hope everyone is well.

This was the final Duathlon. Next month, we have to get back into the sea for some splashy splashy. Exciting events ahead as Angels and their team move to the landmark 100th event. Like the way it is indicated as 75% full. I think of it as 25% empty which means I have beaten you lot already who are still pondering. Come on you lot, put the muffins down and join me and a cast of hundreds. Race with the best and not so good i.e. moiré.

Thank you everyone once again for playing Duathlon with me. Thanks Angels for organising this latest Duathlon for me et al. Thanks volunteers for recording our times and telling us which way to go. Without you our lives are directionless. Thank you finish line for making it all go away.

Finally a thought. Think the idea of changing bib photographs each time is great, featuring a competitor in athletic situ. Well done Rob on being the first winning photogenic model. Do you realise, your mugshot will be on the bib of the next candidate and the next, ad infinitum? Legend! (ANGEL NOTE: Yes Angel is attempting a Bib-ception, seeing how deep we can go with the bib in bibs structure)

Bye for now!
Smouldering Ember.
Not a single mistruth in this report. I am getting soft in my dotage.
If you do not like this report, as usual please send complaints to the internet.
If you want to harass me send e mails to smouldering.ember@scorching.co.nz I have just emptied the recycle bin. Plenty more space.