Dirty Laundry – Duathlon report August 2013.

It has piled high. Really hard to get stuff dry in winter so the pile of dirty laundry gets ever higher. This does imply that Ember has been training and I cannot lie, there has been a spell of enthusiastic training. At this rate, Ember might even get fit. Truth be told, Ember has been getting some help from a personal trainer who is not a bad athlete himself. Good on him for taking on Ember as a project. This has involved running and spin sessions where trainer gets shouty at Ember. Llordy! I had to complain at personal trainer. “Oi! You have made me just fat! I used to be obese.” Not sure if I want to be just fat, my wetsuit will not fit when the tri season starts! Currently, Ember is fat or obese depending on whether he has been to the bathroom or not.

So, back to the laundry. Every day, there is a sweaty mass of clothes. Even worse, if Ember uses a different bag, it is possible that the sweaty mass from one day may ferment for a few more days until it is rediscovered. A wad of folded sweaty clothes takes on a special bouquet after a week and no doubt, the evolution of new microscopic life forms is always a possibility. Rediscovering a week old plastic bag of sweaty running gear usually incurs the wrath of Mrs Ember, the formidable battle axe that she is. (I am in so much trouble when she reads this!) “I am so sorry my sweet medieval weapon of choice, I forgot.” No amount of cleaning will remove that odour. Looks like another cleaning cloth for my bike now. So, hanging out the laundry the other week, Ember noticed Mrs Ember had a new top, with the motif “Active Wear”. Now there is an oxymoron.

To the days racing, and what a spectacularly gorgeous day it was. After the blow last month, ( I am still waiting for the hairs to grow back on my legs due to the scorching wind assisted sand blast depilation.), absolute calm.  No such  exfoliation problems this time. As well as the calm which was conducive to personal bests, sunny and warm enough for perfect endurance sport without becoming excessively hot. For those of you who looked at the weather forecast earlier in the week and chickened out, just think about your decisions next time. Remember, a Wellington winter can be as fickle as a Wellington summer.. Expect it to be awful and  Wellington will throw a perfect early spring day. Today was such an example.

Smouldering Ember, alas just was not quick enough for the on Course photographer today…. (this may or may not be their bike wheel…)

At kick off, a northerly  run along the beach to the turn around flag before heading south. Scorching Bay Beach seems to be mostly back, but the step up from the beach to path seemed a giant leap. Noticed a step second time round which I am sure was not there for lap one. Thanks who ever put the step there.

After a storm and an earthquake in recent weeks, it was inevitable there were to be one or two punctures during the bike leg with a bit more grit on the road than usual. Sure enough, Ember did note a victim by the road side. As this is a race which Ember has no chance of winning, he did the right thing, stopped and helped. Yeah right! Straight past with a warm satisfied wash of Schadenfreude as Ember realises he will at least beat one person. With any luck the hapless victim will stuff up the tube replacement, have a Timmy Tantrum and lob the wheel into Wellington harbour in a moment of uncontrolled frustrated rage. No way I will be last now!!! I might even win if the entire field apart from myself have some mechanical mishaps resulting in a mass frenzied paroxysm of uninhibited  annoyance seeing the least likely athlete cross the line in first place.’ Mate, ye dreamin’, Ember will never win. Never ever won in a dream either, only ever won disappointment at such times when the lotto powerball jackpots to $20 million, and the lady at the lotto kiosk says, “Sorry you have not won this time, again.”, as she returns my worthless ticket. Happened again today, lotto lady said “no”. At least there is the scorching family who are always winners. Does however mean I will have to go to work again tomorrow now.

Coming in from run #1 once again Ember had to negotiate the totalitarian regime of transition. Incredibly, Ember escaped the attention of the transition police first time round. However, returning on the bike to ready for run #2,  he was a marked man. Obviously, chief of transition police has put out a directive to slow Ember down even more than his usual pace which is only just faster than stationary. Just as I was about to leave transition, a firm hand was felt on the left should which stopped me in my tracks. “Excuse me, you cannot leave transition with hat hair.” “Eh?” I remarked. It seems there has been a directive that duathletes, should tidily coiffeur their hair after removing their helmet post bike leg. “We cannot have people running out with a dishevelled bonnet now can we sir? What would the locals think?” Reluctantly, Ember returned to his transition station, dug out a comb and hair gel to restore the “I am off for an interview” look rather that a 4k run, after having done an earlier run and bike ride. Did anyone else get stopped? Annoyingly, with the sweat of exertion, the gel got in my eyes and I ran off the edge of the road and into the sea. I looked a bigger mess than before I tidied up.

Compared to last month, where it was a lot of effort for little gain, a lot of effort today in excellent conditions would certainly give plenty opportunist for PB’s. Ember has not checked the time yet but thinks this may be better than the previous best at these distances. Thanks personal trainer, you can shout at me a bit more.

Disappointedly, yet again a hopeful Ember walked away from prize giving empty handed   …. or did he?

Thanks everyone today, athletes, volunteers, Scorching team and Angel One, who declared himself as Angel today. Keri, when are you going to visit again and be transition chief of police? Thanks Wellington weather and no thanks you lying weather men/women and crappy computer models.

See you all next month, where Angel one gives us a hill to climb and the weather will be excellent, despite what the weather people will tell you.

Now, lets put that laundry into the machine, “Mrs Ember, my sweetness, …….”

Smouldering Ember is on FaceBook

As per usual, anything written above is both true and untrue. Work it out for yourself.

So who is Smouldering Ember? Smouldering Ember is the “Scorching Ambassador”.  Someone who “got the series”. Who understood what it was about and who could best share this with other participants by the way of helpful blogs  and any other way in which to best spread the word on the street about the Scorchers throughout the season. They are just a regular punter at the Scorchers, who loves a little mystery around their identity.

Look out for more from the Smouldering Ember as the season progresses.

Smouldering Ember is also happy to take questions, so don’t be shy..